To Dan, We are All Soul Mates, What will Your Verse Be?

Throughout life’s journey, we meet many people.

However, some people, compel us to

Or perhaps to resurrect what seemingly has died! Sometime we fail and sometimes we don’t! — And in this dynamics, we sometimes resurrect a part of ourselves that too has died; and sometimes, we become so alive, that we become seemingly mad!

Consider Hermann Hesse‘s expression:

Yet, what a real living human being is made of seems to be less understood today than at any time before . . . — each one of whom represents a unique and valuable experiment on the part of nature.

Each man’s life represents the road toward himself, and attempt at such a road, the intimation of a path. No man has ever been entirely and completely himself. Yet each one strives to become that — one in an awkward, the other in a more intelligent way, each as best he can.

. . . I wanted only to try to live in accord with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so very difficult?

Dan Horton (LinkedIn, About.Me@Dan_Horton, Blog) is one such compelling soul that I have recently encountered — we are all soul mates and experience natural affinity; circumstances cause this affinity to emerge and us to become aware!

It’s All About the People

Dan (LinkedIn, About.Me@Dan_Horton, Blog) shared a blog post that completely overwhelmed me:

It’s all about the people

| Hey, I Love You Man, and…! — Si Alhir

In Si’s blog post – Dynamics of Mechanics – he discusses where to focus between the two processes: Dynamics (language, behaviors, and relationships) and Mechanics (process, tools, and culture.) Corporations and people often get focused on fixing the mechanics and not the dynamics of a situation. For example, if you cannot get organized, do you buy a new tool that will fix it or do you analyze yourself and see if it’s just a bad habit? We need to focus on the people and not the tools.

Focusing on the people

Si and I have been working together for a couple of months now and I’ve seen his processes first hand. Our corporation began to focus on the process and not the people for our new technical implementation of agile. The was unsuccessful and all the teams were failing on the new process. Si’s first step when he joined us – to remove all the tools. This had an immediate effect that was seen in the increased productivity of the team. He focused on the people next. In three months my team, including myself, went from wanting to kill each other to now laughing and having fun on our project. I would not have believed it would be possible based on where the team was when we started.

“I Love you man”

Sometimes it’s all in a word. You see this when you say “I love you” to your significant other, but to my team members? Si however, has a different technique. When tensions were high in our meetings, Si would say “Hey, I love you Man, and ..” something to help that person relax and focus. This and other techniques helped my team to do exactly that – relax and focus on the work.

The statement makes me laugh each time I hear it and from me it makes everyone else laugh. It is the last thing you would every expect to hear from me. However, this week I started using it and in turn my entire team started saying it to one another to stop tensions. If anyone starts to get agitated the team shares in the responsibility to stop them and get refocused. Si nor I asked the team to start using it. We both started doing it ourself and the team followed.

The change is amazing.

Use it yourself

So how can you benefit from what I’ve learned here? Maybe just find a statement that will help you stop the frustrations with other people. I know I will use this statement to help calm tensions in conversations and I will also have a word for myself internally to stop myself when I am getting angry.

From the mechanics side of the equation I need to review what is frustrating me today. Are they really people or process issues and am I focusing on them in the wrong way? for example:

  • Feel someone is not spending enough time with you? Don’t complain or focus on just making more time (mechanics) focus on making the time you do have the highest quality you can (dynamics). If you have an hour together and only fight because your frustrated – well did it fix the problem? No
  • Frustrated that you are not focused? Are you trying to fix it with new processes or focusing internally? I have caught myself often focusing on getting a new tool or process to fix my focus, but the real problem is I’m procrastinating.

Take a good look and you may be surprised with what you find.

Thank you

I would also like to thank Si Alhir for his efforts with my team. He is an excellent coach and in a very short time has been able to transform a large part of our organization. I would personally recommend Si and team if you need a transformation coach for your company.

When I say Love, I mean a sense of:

That is, Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love!

Always in awe of how the small, subtle, seemingly insignificant things are not! And when we miss them, the depth and breadth of damage a “miss” does can be overwhelming — our decision making and behavior is indeed 70% emotional and 30% rational (@Gallop).

Fanning the Blaze . . . So You may Contribute a Verse

While relaxing the “gender” reference in Steve Maraboli‘s quote, we are all soul mates (or have a “deep or natural affinity”), and its an honor to “fan the blaze” (even if only for the short time we have together) . . . in the hopes that you, my dear friend, may contribute a verse (referencing O Me! O Life! by Walt Whitman) . . .

. . . so thus we must ask, dearest friend:

What will your verse be?


3 thoughts on “To Dan, We are All Soul Mates, What will Your Verse Be?

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